The Diaries of Ralph Leland Goodrich, 1859-1867

August 1, 1860

In school. Got along well. Evening, took a walk down the track. Sent letters today.  

August 2, 1860

In school. Sallie Ward is quite sick. I gave the class a hard one in Virgil. Willie Randolph does not know as much as I expected, nor does Walker. Rainy in afternoon. Took a walk on the track. I have to study very hard. Miss Taylor was here tonight from Governor Brown’s. Went home with her. I excused Annie Ward from her Latin Grammar lesson this morning & she said, “That’s a good man, you Mr. Goodrich.” She is highty-tighty [1] since Willie Randolph has come into the class. I must say I like her & I only wish our stations were not so unequal. I shall always remember her, but in what light [God] only knows. Had another new scholar today.  

August 3, 1860

In school. The Virgil class recited miserably today. The older boys are getting to be mean & troublesome. George Ward read miserably today – worse than ever before & I doubt that he ever meets the expectations of his father. Annie Ward does not conduct herself lady-like by any means. She makes herself too ungovernable. Afternoon, speaking composition. New scholars spoke. Willie [Randolph] is quite a good speaker, but too little passion. [19 year-old] Worth Taliaferro – pronounced Tallverre – is a better one. Annie Ward had a composition on the difference of the mental capacity of man & woman. [It was] rather good, but not superior. Received two letters today from home, one from Russell Gridley asking me to help him to secure a place. I wish I could do as I wish. I’m not lonely but I fear I cannot assist him.  

Today Carrie [Adams] came home. Mrs. Adams told me to go out and take tea to her as her cook was sick. Took a walk and went over to Colonel Whitner’s. Staid to tea. Had a long talk with Colonel Whitner about the school. He said I was giving satisfaction but at the same time the trustees had come to the conclusion that I was not old enough nor had experience enough to build up such a school as they wanted & that they were at the present endeavoring to secure another person. Now this is an entirely different view of the subject. After I had said that I did not wish to continue in the school & felt unable to build up such an academy as they wished & consequently offered my resignation, to come to those terms is mean & detestable. After all Major Ward has told me, that he did not wish to send his children when study was no more thought of than here & that he intended to send them away in the fall, & to find that he was trying to get another one to take my place, is something rather bad. Ward is not what I expected. He is not as gentlemanly a gentleman as I hoped. I can’t remember him with any degree of respect or love. He has acted toward me unfeelingly & heartlessly. He said I had given satisfaction (that is Colonel Whitner) & said if the trustees did not secure another person, they might wish to employ me longer than to the 1st of October. I am feeling wretched tonight. I begin to enquire what I was really made for. It seems that I am continually to be disappointed. I can have no abiding place. I am bound to do something. Oh God, help me. Direct me what to do.  

August 4, 1860

In the house nearly all day studying. Went over to Governor Brown’s. He had gone up to town. Miss Mag [Brown] invited me into the office. We had a long talk. She said that a great imposter was in town in 1851. [He] went by the name of Count De Costa, pretended to be a friend of those of the Lopez Expedition, colored his hair & beard, & dyed his face.

Saw an advertisement in a Washington paper for a teacher in Lexington, Kentucky today [paying] 1000 [dollars per year]. Wrote for it. Took walk on railroad. Went over to Governor Brown’s in evening but he had gone to bed. Had another long talk with Miss Mag. She is refined & intelligent.  

August 5, 1860

Sunday. At home all day. Very warm. Last night was a beautiful moonlight night. I sat with Miss Mag [Brown] on the porch admiring the clouds. The moon coming up behind the black clouds, fringed with a silver edge.  

The sunset tonight was beautiful, red and lurid. I do not think they have as beautiful sunsets here as at home. Read & studied. At Sunday school. I must say the Wards do not use me as respectfully as they might. I really love Miss Annie [Ward] for all the vexations. I must try to keep her out of my mind. I must work, & if there be anything in me, bring it out. I must build up a character. I must get wisdom so that I can be equal to any. At church tonight. Mr. [W. J.] Ellis preached. Mrs. Adams went to the plantation today. Yesterday Aunt Charity [2] had a baby. Oh, I wish I were a better Christian. Enmity and other bad thoughts are in my heart. Oh God, be with me, guide me, & help me to secure a better situation than this.  

August 6, 1860

In school. Sallie Ward came today. Had another new scholar. Ate no lunch today. Evening, went over to Mr. [Andrew] Denham’s & sent by him my letters – one to the gentleman in Kentucky, [one] to [Russell] Gridley, [and one] to Mr. [Francis W.] Eppes [formerly of] of Monticello [Virginia]. [Mr. Denham] said the hunting was on the rivers & mostly in East Florida. The fertile lands range across at about this place & north & south the lands are not so good. It is the land of flowers. Every month has its own. The everglades are covered by water with here and there a luxuriant island. There is scarcely any twilight here. Darkness almost treads on the setting sun. Went over to Governor Brown’s [but he had] gone to bed. Mr. Denham said he thought the school was getting on well.

August 7, 1860

In school. Sallie Ward brought me a letter from home & papers. Annie [Ward] has gone to Tallahassee. Got along tolerably well in school. Ate a very little at recess. They had nothing but some old dried rolls. Evening, took a walk on the road. Billy Denham asked me to go hunting with him on Saturday. Went over to Governor Brown’s. He had written to his relations in Virginia. They did not wish a teacher but wanted him to assist them. Said he had written to Mr. [Francis W.] Eppes [3] of Tallahassee, the president of the Board of Trustees of the college, for me & wanted me to address him & call on him. I shall write to him tonight & send it up tomorrow.

Francis Wayles Eppes, VII of Tallahassee, Florida 

August 8, 1860

In school. All Ward’s gone to [Tallahassee]. Sent letter to Mr. Eppes today [seeking employment as a teacher]. Took a walk on the railroad.  

August 9, 1860

In school. Had an unusually hard time of it. The children won’t learn. They look at me more than study. The boys from town, Willie Randolph, John Walker, & Worth Taliaferro are not as well prepared in Latin as I supposed. We are now nearly finishing the 3d book.  

Evening, took a walk. Went over to Major Ward’s. He seems as kind and pleasant there as one could wish. The children were studying their lessons. He said that Mattie was not making any improvement [at] all. I told him I was perfectly willing to take all the blame upon myself. He said he thought it was not my fault but as she was careless, she did not fix the lessons in her mind. About the decision of the trustees, he said he did not infer anything derogatory to me, but he simply stated the facts as we had talked these over. But as to the individual opinion of the trustees, he knew nothing. He said he thought there were difficulties here in the way of setting up a school that a more experienced teacher would have to encounter. He said he did not have any hopes of getting up one & had almost ceased to try. He was committed to Miss Smith & thought he should employ her as a private teacher for the year, & would in the fall send [his son] George off to a school. But I rather they will continue here. He mentioned that I had better try for the school in Tallahassee & offered to go up with me & introduce me [to Mr. Francis Eppes] on Saturday.

August 10, 1860

In school. Did not get breakfast until eight this morning [after which] I went to school. Annie & Sallie Ward [were] there. Annie said she hadn’t the lesson & wanted me to read some [and] wanted me to give her easy words to parse. And in the class when the others missed [answering my questions], she would shake her head for me not to give it to her. Had some trouble with John Walker.  

Took a walk on the track. Came on the Wards accidentally [and they treated me] rather cold. I am inclined to think I will not be so easy with them in school. [They are] good enough there [in school] but when out, how different. I shall change my tactics with them. Wrote letter to man in Kentucky – Mr. H. E. McKoy in Owensboro, and one home.  

August 11, 1860

Rainy. Got ready for town. Went over to Major Ward’s. We thought it too rainy for me to go up in the morning. Said he would give me a good recommendation to Mr. [Francis] Eppes. Afternoon, about half past three, he sent over the horse & I went up [to Tallahassee]. Called on Mr. Eppes. Said they had over sixty applications for the two situations & he thought there was no chance for me, as there were many applicants who had more experience [teaching] & one especially a professor of Virginia University. Had quite a talk with him. Said he was acquainted with Dr. Wilson. He was here as a teacher in [Territorial] Governor [Robert R.] Reid’s family in 1840, was a Unitarian [but] changed to Episcopal here. I decided not to try for [the teaching position].  

Sent letter home & one to man in Kentucky for a place. Received one from [Victor E.] Manget [who] said he knew of no place to be filled. Came home. Rode down [from Tallahassee] along with Mr. [George A.] Croom. Came on a fast run. Went to Major Ward’s [and] stopped to supper. [Major Ward] said that I had better try & had better get a recommendation from Dr. Wilson. Had a long talk with him. Lent a DeBow Magazine. [4] Said he would put an advertisement in the paper for me. Wrote a letter to Dr. Wilson [asking] for a recommendation.  

Party here [at Adams’s]. Was not invited in. Stayed to Major Ward’s until about ten. He is good & kind to me. He said he would say to Mr. Eppes that this was not such a school as I wished, & in the winter it would be hardly possible to have a school large enough. I must say I like Major Ward & shall no longer grumble against him. He says there are scarcely any stones here. Limestone – what they call the rotten sand stone – is common after a certain depth.  

August 12, 1860

Went over to Major Ward’s in morning. Rode up to church with him. Came down. Sent letter to Dr. Wilson. At Sunday school, Annie Ward laughed at the hymn.  

August 13, 1860

In school. Feel almost sick. In the afternoon, when Annie [Ward] came down, there was a noise where she was which sounded like a fart. I conjectured it was from the laughter they made over it. The class in arithmetic is awfully stupid. I have an awful hard lesson in Latin tomorrow. Major Ward spoke on politics going up to church. He says that we have at the North all the elements that will overturn the government & in order to keep the mob down, then must necessarily arise a despotic government.  

August 14, 1860

In school. Rather cold. Annie & Sallie [Ward] are regular flirts. Annie did a sum today & got about within $100 of the answer when it was only $158. I asked her if she got within $1,000. She looked at me fiercely & was vexed. Took a walk. Called at Governor [Thomas] Brown’s. Stayed to tea. Miss Mag [Brown] and I had some talk about Miss Julia Powell – Mrs. Adam’s sister. Governor Brown said he would help me all he could in getting a situation. Reading & studying.  

August 15, 1860

Got along badly in Virgil today. Had to speak sharply to Willie Randolph for whistling in school today. The Wards looked grim. Annie is rather impudent. She is ugly & has a very mean spirit. Sallie Ward had a bad geography lesson today. I marked her tolerable & she saw it when the arithmetic class was in. As I finished, I saw her making motions at me & she stuck up her nose at me & looked as spitefully as could be. I said some severe words to her & she went out of the door as quick as lightning. They both are as bad as can be against me for no other reason that I can see than that I do not pet them. Took a walk. Got wet.  

August 16, 1860

Sick today. Sallie Ward looked very sober today. Took a walk over to Major Ward’s. He had gone to town. The ladies invited me in but before I went in, all the Chaires [family] went in so I declined. Talked awhile with Annie [Ward]. Came home & wrote letters to ministers in Arkansas for aid in getting a situation as Mr. Eppes advised.  

August 17, 1860

Rather warm. Sent letter to the Bishop of Arkansas by Mr. Denham, and one to Little Rock by Wesley and also a note to McDougal to send for a translation of Cicero’s Nations. Sallie & Annie [Ward] appeared good today. Read some of Annie’s Virgil to her. Evening, quite a party here [at Adams’s]. Was not invited in. Went over to Major Ward’s. He was not at home. Went in & had a chat with the ladies. Miss Annie asked me to write an acrostic in her album. Talked of various things. She adores her father and says when he is speaking in public & is animated, he looks fiercely and she says she believes he looks like the “God of the South.” By this talk one would think that they were no admirers of the Croom boys [Church and Alonzo Croom] or Willy Randolph. They seem very pleasant and affable. Major [Ward] came home about ten. Annie let me take a copy of her father’s Mount Vernon Poem. They were sent after to go to Mrs. Adams’s [party] but declined. Jealousy is a part of my nature.

August 18, 1860

At home all day. Studied & fixed the gun. Fired off one barrel which had been loaded for 3 years. Like to burst the barrel. Kicked me over. Trying to write some verses for Annie [Ward]. Took a walk with George Footman. Evening, went over to Mr. Denham’s. Made arrangements yesterday with George Ward to go hunting but he came not so I did not go. The split between the boys here originated in the insults of [Hardy] Church Croom. Annie Ward is carried away with Willie Randolph.

August 19, 1860

Sunday. At home. Reading & trying to write a piece for Annie Ward’s album. Very warm. Evening, attended church. Major Ward passed by & never spoke to me.  

August 20, 1860

In school. Hard times. Very warm. Mr. Tom Maxwell’s child was buried today. Closed school earlier. Went out hunting with George Ward. Shot & thought I killed a bird but Billy Denham shot at the same time & I think he killed it – at least he kept it. Studying & writing.  

August 21, 1860

Warm today. Wesley Adams left school. Had a pleasant talk with Annie Ward this morning. I am nearly sick today. Went fishing with George Ward today.  

August 22, 1860

In school. Sick today. Brought me a letter from Bishop of Alabama. Could not get me a place. Had quite a talk with Annie [Ward] this morning. I am getting more & more in love with her & less ready to go. O Lord, help me.  

Did not get along well in school today. I do not know what to do. Hear nothing definite of a place. I am fairly in the thicket of trouble. Oh God, help me. Guide me as thou hast already done. In thee, let me put my trust.  

August 23, 1860

Went to school. Heard the Latin class but felt so badly [I] dismissed the school for the week. Stayed at the school house with some to get up a question for debate next week. Came home [and] wrote five letters, to [Victor E.] Manget, to home, [to my sister Augusta in] Kansas, to Handerson, [and to] Austin.  

Afternoon, went over to Governor [Thomas] Brown’s. [He] gave me some medicine to take. He was in the battle of New Orleans [during the War of 1812]. He said the British never brought their guns to the eye to fire, but brought the stock to the thigh & almost always they would shoot [too high].

Went over to Governor Brown’s in the evening with Mrs. Adams & [her sister] Miss [Julia] Powell. In coming home, saw George Ward, Sallie [Ward] & Willie Randolph on the road.

August 24, 1860

Got some Cook’s Pills [5] of Governor Brown. Operated well this morning. Finished my letters & took them over to Major Ward’s. They were at breakfast. Sat down in the hall & had a long talk with all of them. Willie sung, “I’ll bet my money on the old bob tail nag.” He will be three years old the 27th – my birthday. I said that was mine [too] & Major said, “Well Annie, you will have to make two cakes.” Major [Ward] proposed that George & I should ride out to the [Southwood] plantation. [6] We started about ten – George with his gun. The plantation is about 3 miles distant. Stopped at the [slave] quarters. The hands were all out in the field. All we saw were looking well. Went up to the house which stands on a rising ground overlooking a large pond. The yard is large on which are many oaks & other trees. The oak are immense trees. The house is not large; two stories high [with] a double porch in front, one above the other. In the yard are growing large cactus, orange & fig trees, pomegranates, a large persimmon tree, [and] a sago palm. The leaves [on the palm] are like this [drawing], much finer & short out from the stalk in all directions. The place is a splendid one. The plantation is also fine looking. We ate watermelons & pomegranates. In the garden under a large oak is the family burial ground. [Major Ward’s] wife’s grave is yet without a stone. His father, mother & sister and wife & nephew lie buried there. Stopped at the cotton gin – a steam one.

The grave of Sarah Jane [Chaires] Ward at Southwood Plantation

Came home about half past two. Stayed to dinner. Felt sick. My medicine was sent over. Quinine.  Major [Ward] had me lie on his bed, had me take off my coat & shoes. Slept all the afternoon. Got up late [and] took two of the pills. Had a long talk with Major Ward. [He] asked me how old I was. When he was 23, he was in the [state] legislature. Says that [his daughter] Annie must go to school about two years longer & then she must be at home to keep house. They urged me to stay to supper. Came home & went to work. Resolved to do more than I have heretofore. [I am] deeper in love [with Annie]. I am resolved to do something to make me worthy of their respect. Help me, Oh Lord.

August 25, 1860

In the house all day. The dose of quinine made me awfully deaf. Dick Footman called today to see how I was – the only one of my scholars [who called].  Terrible rain storm today. Told stories [in the] evening about the Indians. One man had his wife shot through the window. His children ran and one [escaped]. She lay down in a potato patch & they did not see her. [They] burned the house. [7] Did not do much today. I can never make an extempore speaker unless there is a great change in me.

August 26, 1860

At home all day. Writing. Major Ward came in the afternoon & sat [with me] a little while. [He] brought a letter and paper from home. [The] letter [was] from the New York fellows. I shall write to the gentleman and also to them. Mrs. [Mary] Archer sent over today to see how I was. I do think the people here generally are a mean set. Attended Sunday school. Had a long nonsensical talk at the table with Miss [Julia] Powell, [Mrs. Adam’s sister]. Evening, went down to school to church. As I came from Sunday school tonight, Willie Randolph & the Crooms were standing on the track. Willie Randolph asked if I was going to have school tomorrow. I said I expected to. Then [16 year-old] Church Croom whispered something to him & laughed at me. Those Croom boys are no gentlemen & if either of the Ward’s like them, they are bigger fools than I would believe.

August 27, 1860

[My 24th] birthday. I let them have another holiday [from school]. Went over to Governor [Thomas] Brown’s. Got his recommendation. Had a long talk with him. Got almost tipsy on toddy. Staid nearly all day. Some people here to dinner. Wrote a letter to a gentleman at Port Gibson, Mississippi for a place as teacher & one to New York fellows. In afternoon, Miss Annie Ward sent me a large cake for my birthday – rather nice, but not as nice as it might be. Annie Chaires here in evening. Billy Denham [and] I went in the parlor. Annie Ward sent over to see if I would not let them have a holiday [from school] tomorrow. Decided to let them have one. This evening, I told [the Adams girls] what to say on their compositions.

August 28, 1860

No school today. At home all the forenoon reading. Afternoon, sick with toothache. Helped the [Adams] girls on their compositions. Miss [Julia] Powell left today for New York. Toward evening, Sallie Ward came here. I took a walk on the track. Feeling miserably. After tea, went over to Major Ward’s [but was] received rather coldly. Asked if it was proper for me to give a holiday till Friday. [The Major] said yes. In the course of the conversation, Annie [Ward] said that everyone were not poets & looked at me, thereby referring to what I wrote acknowledging the birthday present. I rather think I have showed my ass.

Major Ward was going to Mr. Maxwell’s and asked me to stay & talk with the “young ladies.” Annie said she wished she was a man [as] she would speak & write on politics that would make some ears tingle. [She] said a great deal more; extravagant vanity! They believe their father the greatest man in existence & also a poet of rare & illustrious qualities. If the Mount Vernon Poem is an example, I am sorry to be obliged to demur on that point. There is not a line of any poetical merit but what he has copied. They have a poorer opinion of me now since, I note that, than before. This is what I wrote:  

‘Tis a pleasure to know that when years wile away
And time brings again the nativity day,
And present thoughts old memories renew
That friends so respected remember it too.

Such as it is. I hoped they would pardon its want of particular merit instead of alluding to it in that awful way. They are in fact but a bundle of passion and sentiment, their own the greatest & the best, and they [are] as much above common mind as spirit is above body. Annie read me her composition. The children were out playing [when] George & Mattie came running in [with] George mad and threatening to strike Mattie. [When] Sallie tried to separate them, George fell upon her. I rose & spoke to George [and] he ceased immediately. They mock Governor Brown & that is meanness [for] no one here has been as good a friend to me as he & I respect him as much as I can anyone. And when I see him scorned & laughed at, woe as far as my respect goes to the scorner. With my present feelings, I hope I may never wish to return here nor cherish any feelings toward any beyond what my relation has been to them. Though tonight they appeared well, yet I could detect the curling scorn now and then; the passing glances of contempt. We talked over the subject of their compositions.  

Major [Ward] brought me two letters; one from Dr. Wilson containing the recommendation, and one from home. [8] I have made up my mind not to write an acrostic for the album of Annie’s. What a fool I am to feel as I do. I well know that there are thousands of girls that will suit me more than she. Still I have this devilish thought in my heart of cherishing her and angelizing her. Why talk about everyone except a few particular friends – selfish – hate all who do not agree in politics with their father & oppose him. I think my case is this: if they were shorn of this rank and wealth, my feelings would be far different, and if that is the case, Oh God, blot out of my breast this sordid passion. I have not one inducement to see them often & be on good terms with them when I leave them. I am fired with the ambition to do something by which I may take a stand which would ever satisfy a disposition as vain as theirs which is vanity itself. Oh God, help me to improve that I may not be the vile that crawls, but something whose work can be felt.

August 29, 1860

At home. Early in morning went over to Governor [Thomas] Brown’s. Dr. Randolph was there. Came back [and found] Annie Ward was here. [She was] not very warm to me. She has very illiterate, and what is more, very silly relatives. Wrote on a piece for [Hiram] Beebe, [the editor of the Owego Gazaette]. Read some. Afternoon, went hunting. Evening, went to Governor Brown’s. [He] told me to send the recommendations I had tomorrow. Tom Footman called on me in evening. Learned more about the Wards. [He] says Willie Randolph is in love with [Annie], and she with him. Told things which looks as if she was not a lady. She is vain & egotistical. I have abundant reasons not to admire them as much as I wished. I know from their natures that they would talk – and do talk – about me not in a respectful manner. And if anyone tries to rival their dear papa & even hesitates to acknowledge his far superior greatness, he becomes an enemy immediately. Vanity kills a person, high social position & wealth break down all objections to it.

August 30, 1860

In the house. Very rainy all day & wrote. Took a walk on the railroad. Dick Footman was here. He was rather insulting to me at the table tonight asking me how many children I had. Dick asked me if he might have one of them. I said he might have my coachman’s daughter. Upon that, Mrs. Adams said I was just right for Dick’s heir – said in a kind of mocking way. The insult was too great [and] I said harsh things to her. I wish I had said I would prefer his heir to hers; it was on my tongue. The more I think, the more I feel against the Wards. It was by his means that I was shipped [here] & probably it will be through his means that they will get another teacher. The people in this place without exception are mean, servile, and contemptible. There is no genuine hospitality & the sooner I leave them & forget them, it will be better for me. My life here has been but vexations, insults, [and] unkindness. They are a miserly parsimonious set. Their purse is more dear to them than to the Jew.

August 31, 1860

In school. Only a few there. Nearly all the boys who were to write were absent. The girls were all there & had good compositions. Willie Randolph was the only boy there. After the compositions, we discussed it some. Took a walk on the railroad with Sallie Ward. Went as far as the house with her.

The Ralph Goodrich Collection is the property of the Arkansas History Commission.